Posted in Humor, tagged 80's, Bar and Bat Mitzvah on August 7, 2013 | 6 Comments »
Paris, 1988.
L’Orchestre Serge Avram
Yes, it’s true. In the late 80′s I lived in Paris and made my living as a Bar Mitzvah band singer. I sang in Hebrew, Yiddish, French, English and Arabic.
Here’s the proof. Not long after this photo was taken, the guys in the band (a dentist, an accountant, and IT guy…) all started wearing gold jackets with colored bow-ties and matching cummerbunds.
I got to wear what I wanted. But there was that hair.
Long live the 80′s.
Posted in Humor, Politics, Rants, tagged Anthony Weiner, Bronx, Comptroller, Eliot Spitzer, New York, New York City, New York Public Interest Research Group, Twitter on July 16, 2013 | 4 Comments »
, member of the United States House of Representatives. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Hello, my name is Ashley, and I’ll be your server this evening. This summer, our chef has a season long special: WeinerSpitzle. WeinerSpitzle is an only in NY combination of hubris, stupidity, perversion, and blatant disregard for the law. We take a little bit of working class Bronx-boy-made-good-goes-bad, mix it in with the fallen star of an uber-powerful real estate dynasty, and serve it up to voters too shocked at the utter gall of it not to order it. So far, it’s the clear winner!
Only in NY.
It’s hard to believe that this election cycle we have not one but two formerly-disgraced-now-looking-for-redemption politicians in the mix. Former Congressman Anthony Weiner’s transgression – mistakenly sending semi-nude (not even nude!) photos of his – ahem, weiner – out on Twitter, rather than to a private, consenting adult, and then blatantly lying about it, was stupid and showed lack of judgement and lack of respect for his wife, but wasn’t criminal. Elliot Spitzer, on the other hand, flaunted the laws he had sworn to protect first as Attorney General, and then as land-slide elected Governor, when he frequented a “high-class prostitute”. (I love the distinction – isn’t “high class” prostitute an oxymoron? Do high class hookers have better manners? Do low class whores chew with their mouths open?)
And now they both want back in. And according to a poll released today - they just may get their wish. (more…)
Posted in Entertainment, Humor, tagged ABC News, kid reporters, Michelle Rodriguez, People, Perez Hilton, Red Carpet, Ryan Hunter-Reay, Ryan Reynolds, Turbo, YouTube on July 12, 2013 | 4 Comments »
Ryan Reynolds had a real conversation with a real kid and the media world went bananas.
Early this week, I brought a pint-sized KidzVuz reporter to the Red Carpet for the premiere of Turbo. Our ten year old first-timer interviewed Ryan Reynolds, Michelle Rodriguez, Luis Guzman, Ken Leong, race car stars Will Power, Ryan Hunter-Reay, and Ken Kanaan, and more. As usual, the stars loved seeing a kid on the Red Carpet, and the other journalists were charmed, too.
But what came next surprised me. There’s been a ton of coverage… of our coverage. ABC News, People Magazine, eonline, Philly.com, Perez Hilton. I even got a media request from Norway. They all wrote – not about Ryan – but about Ryan and our reporter. And it’s gotten me thinking. (more…)
Posted in Dogs, Humor, pets, tagged cute dog, Dog on July 10, 2013 | 3 Comments »
The kids are at camp, and Bentley has been looking like this pretty much since they left. So sweet.Posted in Humor, tagged baby pics on January 30, 2013 | 3 Comments »
Not because I look like hair (frizzy hair, big nose, I know) but because, while preparing for the kids’ B’nai Mitzvah montage I’ve been feeling the urge to sing the great Streisand classic: Memories from The Way we Were.
Posted in Humor on January 23, 2013 | 6 Comments »
“AHHHHHH! My pictures are gone!”
If, like thousands upon thousands of other parents, you have allowed your under 13-year-old child to be on Instagram, you may well have heard that cry over the weekend.
Why? Because, per its Terms of Service, Instagram does not allow children under the age of 13 to have an account. This is not – contrary to what many are saying – something new. This clause – the one banning under-thirteens from the site - has always been in there.
And it’s not just some Instagram rule, it’s the law. Do you know why? Most parents think it’s because of online predators. Nope. Or because of adult content. Nope. Or even because “kids don’t need social media.” Um. I don’t think so.
It’s because of privacy. The Children’s Online Privacy and Protection Act, to be exact. COPPA, as it’s affectionately (not!) knows, is the law that governs the use of children’s information online. It’s illegal for your kid to have Instagram, Facebook, Google, or YouTube accounts because it’s illegal for companies to collect personally identifiable information about your kids without explicit parental consent.
It’s not illegal as in, “they’re going to arrest my child!” but illegal as in – companies who knowingly allow underage kids on their sites are subject to significant fines. Instagram, recently bought for $1 billion (!) by Facebook, is cracking down because Facebook knows it’s under a microscope.
Hence the oodles and oodles of lost selfies, pictures of fourth grade dioramas. and subsequent hysterical ten year olds. (more…)
Posted in Humor, tagged 7 Years Younger book, FlyWheel, Good Housekeeping, Soul Cycle, weight watchers on January 4, 2013 | 6 Comments »
While my kids are studying their Torah portions, looking for relevant things to say in their speeches (you try to relate skin disease (the subject of their portions) to 21st century tweenagerdom!), I have no less daunting tasks:
So this week, the Great B’Nai Mitzvah Makeover began. (more…)
Posted in Humor, tagged Archie Bunker, Callista Gingrich, Donald Trump, Holidays, Nadya Suleman, New Year, Octomom, Taylor Swift on January 2, 2013 | 2 Comments »
As the New Year begins, most people like to look back on the things that happened over the past year. The tragic losses, the remarkable successes, the movie stars divorced or scandalized. Not me. I’m reflecting on the year that wasn’t. All the things I thought would happen…and didn’t.
1. 2012 was not the year people realized that every time a reality TV show turns a talentless nobody into a star, Lucy Ricardo, Archie Bunker, and Hawkeye Pierce sigh a collective – if fictional – sigh of defeat.
2. 2012 was not the year I got in shape. Nope. (more…)
Posted in Humor, tagged New Years Resolution, pet peeves on December 30, 2012 | 3 Comments »
Let’s face it, every year, we all make New Year’s resolutions, and every year, we fail to keep even one of them. So this year, I’m not going to bother. Instead, I’m telling other people what New Year’s Resolutions I’d like them to keep. Because, you know, who doesn’t need a little advice from someone who can’t even keep her own resolutions?
1. Resolve not to One-Up Everything Everyone Else Says – Oh, you know who you are. We say “We’re going Skiing in Vermont this year.” and you say “We’re going skiing in Davos.” We say “I baked cookies with the kids today,” You say, “The kids and I made profiteroles this afternoon.” And it’s not just one-upping the good stuff, you one-up our bad news, too: we say “my friend had a heart attack” and you say “My friend had a massive stroke and will never be able to speak or dress himself again.”
Nobody likes a braggart.
2. Resolve to call customers, customers. Because if I am your guest, why am I paying you?
3. Resolve to Control Your Kids – I love kids. I do. I think they’re cute, and funny, and sweet. It’s the parents I have a problem with. If your kid is a little performer – bully for you. I’m sure you love it, grandma loves it. Your friends with their own kids? Not so much. I don’t blame the little performers for their constant repetitions of Call Me Maybe, complete with disarmingly adorable dance moves. They’re kids. I blame the parents for not realizing that not everyone wants to watch the “not my cute kid show” on an endless, live loop.
The five-year-old’s rendition of Ne-Yo‘s Let Me Love You might have been cute the first time, but by the fourth time – it’s your job to hit the off button.
4. Resolve Not to Seat Me at the Worst Table in the Restaurant – Yes, you, hostess. Why must you, when the restaurant is nearly empty, seat me next to the bathroom, or directly opposite the bus station so I can see the dirty dishes pile up? I hate that.
5. Resolve to Carry Breath Mints and use them. You know who you are.
6. Resolve to Stop Staying “Not to be mean, but” and then say something mean.
7. Resolve Not to Say things Like “I don’t get Twitter” in a disparaging tone to people who work in social media for a living.
8. Resolve not to talk about your workouts, your health, or your renovation. Nothing is more boring than listening to someone talk about how much/how hard/how often they work out. You’re an exercise fanatic, good for you, boring for the rest of us. Cataloging your ailments runs a close second in the boring department. We really don’t need to know the exact definition of a fistula. And renovations? Fabulous Anne Sachs tiles notwithstanding, the only reason we care about your bathroom is if we really, really, have to go, and it happens to be nearby.
9. Resolve NOT to tell me what happens at the end of Breaking Bad because even though the show is long over, I am still watching the final season on Netflix and I really don’t want you to ruin it for me. And while you’re at it, resolve not to act like I’ve committed a crime by not having watched Downton Abbey. Ever.
10. Resolve not to whistle on public transport. Would you sing on the M86 Crosstown? I didn’t think so. Then don’t whistle, either.
Do all these, and we’ll all have a Happy (well, Happier) 2013! Happy New Year!
Posted in Humor, tagged funny thanskgiving, Halitosis, John Boehner, Jon Stewart, Lindsay Lohan, Spanx, tweezers on November 22, 2012 | 1 Comment »
Family. Friends. Health. These are all things I am thankful for. But really, who is against family, friends, and not having bubonic plague? So here is a list of some less obvious – though no less essential –things that I am thankful for this year.
1. Tweezers – So when the odd chin hair appears, I can quickly remove it.
2. Random Throbbing GIFs Because who doesn’t like pulsating poultry? (more…)
