10. Flash Mobs are AWESOME.  At the “State of Blissdom” talk, we heard Alli Worthington and Barbara Jones, the conference organizers, talk about blogging from the heart, the brain, and the home. (We also heard from Her Bad Mother, and Velveteen Mind). That they did it dressed like characters out of The Wizard of Oz was just a quirky bonus.

Then we had the keynote, from @unmarketing, Scott Stratten (more on that later).  When it was all over, Barbara tried to make an announcement, but the music cut her off.  Why?  Because someone had organized a flash mob. The fact that women from around the country had figured out how to make this work, that they had bonded together to make it happen…well, it really restored my faith in the blogging community.  It really is a community – one willing to go the extra mile to do something fun and fabulous, and not at all easy to pull off.  All just because.  I loved it.

9. There’s such a thing as a Nun Conference – OK, so maybe it’s called Catholic Campus Outreach, but what I saw in the ballroom adjoining Blissdom’s was basically a conference of nuns, checking out the latest in habits.  I found it ironic that they where there, since the last conference I attended, CES, also had a conference that was held simultaneously: a porn star conference. Couldn’t be more opposite a crowd. And I liked having the nuns around a whole lot more.

8. Community Counts: I think that had Blissdom been a humongous conference like Blogher, with it’s 1500 attendees and 4 bazillion sponsors, I might not have gotten so much out of it.  Too much to navigate, too much to see, too overwhelming – certainly for one day.  But Blissdom is a streamlined compact conference of approximately 650 women. So instead of being overwhelmed, I was welcomed.  When we finally arrived at the hotel, I tweeted that I’d made it at last.  And people I’d never met tweeted back welcomes.  Thanks @chambanalaura and @temysmom. Community- not anonymity.  That’s what got me blogging in the first place.

What I loved about Blissdom was the overwhelming sense of community I felt there.  I connected with former SVmom-ers I haven’t seen in years, like Kim Modolfsky and yes-she-has-another-book-coming-out Megan Francis; I had a little tweet-up with @hollyhaman.  I ate lunch with a young, newbie blogger who never said so, but probably thought I reminded her of her mother. It felt warm and welcoming, and not clique-y.  And it reminded me that that’s why I blog.  That’s what blogging does: brings me a far bigger community than I could ever get in this city of 12 million. And far more intimate, in its own weird way.

7. Women Rock: The only panel I was able to attend was Advance Monetization is Not for Whiners. And you know what they talked about?  Making your own opportunities, creating good karma by sharing the wealth, being faithful to your voice and vision…and not whining about not getting opportunities, but simply putting yourself in a position to get them yourself.  They talked about kindness, and supporting each other.  Show me a man’s conference where they talk about that stuff.  I dare you.

6. Southern Women get Glammed Up.  While the East Coast women I knew wore muted tones and natural looking no-makeup makeup, the Southern gals at Blissdom glammed it up big time. Big hair, big jewels, big smiles. And, New York snob that I am, I thought I’d find that tacky.  Instead, I thought us faux natural New Yorkers looked like plain Jane’s in comparison.

5. Delivery matters Scott Stratten’s keynote was a riot.  He was charming and funny and informative, and I was tweeting him like crazy.  But the truth is, he didn’t say anything all that Earth Shattering.  You are your brand, relationships matter, put out quality work, engage your readers.  But the WAY he said it all was inspiring, and affirming, and made me feel like blogging again.

4. When it Comes to Sponsors and Swag: Less is More I knew this already.  But I’m kind of hoping some other conference organizers read this post and take heed: a manageable number of good, involved sponsors beats a boatload of who-the-hell-are-these-people sponsors any day. If you’d asked me before Blissdom if I’d ever eat at a Red Lobster, the answer would have been an unequivocal no. Too low-brow for snooty New York me. But there was Red Lobster – not one of a bazillion sponsors, but one of a handful, and there were the lobster rolls they were handing out. So I tried one.  And you know what?  It was good.  Mind changed.  I will use my swag-gift card (I don’t know how much it’s for) and go there.  I’d even pay for it myself. Similarly, I don’t know that I ever would have tried Freschetta Pizza – which was surprisingly good and un-frozen pizza-ish, but that’s what was for dinner Friday night, so I did.  I might not have noticed Lisa Leonard Designs in a bigger space.  And Hallmark makes just about the best paper plates ever. You can put your own photo on them.  How awesome is that?  I don’t know that I would have noticed that detail in a humongous pool of sponsors.

Lots of crappy swag= bad. Small amounts of swag you really want =  excellent.

3. There’s Such a Thing as a Bible Blogger. And there are a lot of them. Living in NY, you’d think we’d have a lot of diversity – and we do. Ethnic, sexual orientation, socioeconomic.  But we don’t have a lot of (at least not open) Bible Bloggers.  I loved meeting a whole breed of bloggers I never knew anything about.

2. Barbara Jones does an eerily good Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. (see #10, above)

1. It’s not (contrary to my previous post) time for me to stop blogging. Almost missing Blissdom because of the storm, made me realize what I was missing.  I like these people.  I want to stay in this community.  Being at Blissdom made me realize that – not just am I more than my stats – but I’m more than myself.  I’m part of something bigger and more important.  Something that empowers women, gives us a voice.  We will be heard!!

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I had a lot of friends in High School who wanted to be actors.  Most of them  auditioned for years and years, waiting tables all the while, until they finally reached the point where they accepted they weren’t going to make it, and made a career change. Makes sense to me. It’s discouraging to keep on being rejected.  You might love acting, love performing, but if no one is watching, well, it just doesn’t give you that same thrill. And at some point, you have to face reality: not all dreams come true.

I’m starting to feel that way about blogging.  I love writing.  I’ve been writing my whole life.  My first “book” was a mystery which I wrote and illustrated myself in third grade.  I was editor of my High School Yearbook, had the featured essay in my college yearbook.  I’ve been in anthologies, and magazines.  I’ve ghost written books.  I’ve written copy for movie trailers, and  100′s of tv commericals, and countless episodes of Intimate Portrait on Lifetime Television. And I’ve blogged.  And blogged and blogged.

I don’t doubt that I’m a good writer.  It’s been reinforced by teachers and editors and publishers, and by being picked ten times for syndication when I was part of the SVMoms Group.  So logic would tell me that if I blogged, the readers would come, and that the more I blogged, the more readers I’d have. Not so. The more I blog, the more I pay attention to key words and linking and SEO – the more it stays the same.

Maybe I should look at blogging differently.  Maybe I should see it as an outlet – who cares who sees it?  Or maybe I should take a cold, hard, look at how I can use this blog to “enhance my brand.”  But that’s a phrase I hate — at least when it’s applied to my writing.  My writing isn’t my brand — it’s me.

I get the occasional boost.  This post, for instance, got over 2000 hits in one day when it was selected for WordPress’s Freshly Pressed feature. But overall, it’s slow. Not too many people are reading, and it can get discouraging. Maybe it’s because I don’t do giveaways, or product reviews, or tell everyone every personal detail of every aspect of my life.  I don’t send an email to everyone I know every time I post. (Yes, there are people who do that.) I don’t write about breaking news, or about subjects with big shock value.  Whatever the reason — maybe I’m just not that good – the numbers tell their own story. Every day, I watch my stats stay stagnant, and inexplicably – my Twitter followers rise, while my klout score decreases.

When I started blogging over at NYC Moms Blog, I had big dreams:  “Someone will discover me.  Someone will read my posts and offer me a book deal/magazine writing gig/nobel peace prize (hey, I said it was a dream!)”  That is not what happened.  But something else did.  I met a great group of women, and a few of us decided to band together to create The Blogging Angels, a weekly podcast about blogging, social media, brand/blogger relationships, and tech, targeted at women. In only five months we’ve come a long way, winning sponsorship from Microsoft Windows to go to CES, and averaging a 40% increase in downloads each month. I’m also days away from launching a new online venture with another friend met through the blogosphere. (I promise to tell you all about it as soon as it’s up and running.) The new website is a business, not a blog, and who knows where it will take us next?

So already, blogging has brought me to podcasting and a new business.  Maybe that’s enough.  Maybe my blogging has done what it was supposed to do: lead me to bigger things.

Yesterday, at a luncheon sponsored by Din Dins and Moms on the Move, Linda Swain said “You only fail when you stop trying.  So never give up.”   But the truth is, trying endlessly ends up feeling remarkably like failing. Only it never stops. If I stop blogging, it won’t be because blogging has failed me.  It’s brought me a new community, and two new businesses.  But my blog has failed.  Two successes, one failure. Not a bad result, really.

So why do I feel so defeated?

So I wasn’t at all surprised when she decided that, you know, since she had so little going on in her life (did I mention the two kids, the husband, and the beautiful house in the ‘burbs?), that she decided to start a magazine.

Project You.  It’s all about women, and pursuing your passion while raising your family.

Except for my essay in the mag – it’s about how sometimes (just sometimes) I meet kids that I don’t like.

Yes.  I’m just that evil.

If you want to read it, click here, then turn to page 13. (you can read it online, or print it out and read it magazine style.)

One more thing: If you think that you recognize your own child in the piece.  Well, you’re wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I LOVE your child. Really.

That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

The comment came from a guy named Ed.  And this was his opening line.

So you ended up being just a mother.

Just another mother, like a chimp, a cow, an elephant, a whale, just another mother, like an insect, or an octopus, or a worm. Just another sad mother.

The guy had me laughing already. What a jokester he must be.  And quite a laugh at family gatherings.

He went on to give his insightful commentary on how others must feel about my motherhood.

Your kids will not thank you, your husband will not like you, your own mother will pity you for making her own same mistake.

Just another mother.

Somehow, I don’t think he and his mom have the best relationship.  I’m very intuitive.  That’s how I know.

Next, the lovely Ed waxes poetic about “parental-brain-atrophy-syndrome” (ooh!  ten dollar words!  can my mom-brain take it?!) I won’t bore you with his entire oeuvre, just a summary.  I’ve biologically dumbed down my brain. My life is “dirt and feces.”   Blah blah blah. Again, just guessing here, but do you think that our friend Ed may have some slight socialization problems?

Motherhood, according to Eddie-poo, has doomed me to “a life of dandruff and diseases, vaccine and lice, high school and drool.” Poor Ed.  Sounds like his High School years were pretty tough.  What with the drooling and all. Kind of makes it hard to get a date. I can imagine the phone call:

“Hi, Susie?  This is Ed?  You know, from your science class?….What? Yeah, that’s me.  The one with the bib.”

When you’re in High School, you hate your mother,  and you have a drooling problem, chances are, you didn’t get a prom date.  Which may explain this next choice tidbit from my friend Ed’s comment.

You lost your dignity through your open legs, first inwards and then outwards, first-in-first-out, garbage-in-garbage-out, a boomerang of boredom.

Wow.  I don’t believe I have ever heard a man describe sex in quite that way. Especially the penis as garbage analogy. Most men I know think of the penis as the pinnacle of perfection, the private part of pleasure, the….well, perhaps I’m getting carried away. But the comment does make me wonder if Ed’s lack of a prom-date problem may have led to him missing out on sex all together.  Which would explain a lot.

After a bit more poetic rambling about my “loss” and how I’ve chosen “prison voluntarily” (guess his Mommy dearest kept him locked in his room most of the time. Thanks, Mom, for keeping away from the rest of us as long as you did!), he devolves into crazy Virgin Mary inexplicabilities.

“…Virgin Mary you are not, because Mary was not a Virgin, and you are not a Mary.“

Huh?

This last line really bummed me out.  For while he may be a psychopath, Ed is no dummy.  His psychotic ramblings up to this point were positively literary! Also, how crazy do you have to be to find MARITAL sex sinful?  Poor Ed. Destined to a life of unrequited love for an inflatable girl.

In fairness to Ed (though why I think he deserves fairness is beyond me), his comment ended up in Spam – which means he didn’t necessarily direct it at me – just at any blog having anything at all to do with motherhood.  Though I guess I’m not really helping Ed out here.  This means that he sent this psychotic crap out to a number of women.

Yikes.

And some of them might not have found him quite as amusing as I.

Ed winds down with this serial-killer-esque gem:

You were manipulated into just another life wasted on the heap of trash of a lost humanity dedicated to popular procreation and proletarian proliferation, to please the leaders of a domain of plebeians.

Hey!  Ed knows all about alliteration.  What a positively perfect position for a psychopath who preaches to parents!

Although this whole last passage makes me wonder if Ed even knows where babies come from.  “Popular Procreation?  Well, yeah. Of course it’s popular. It’s sex.  And here’s a newsflash for you, Ed: most people come from the  procreative act.  Except of course, you, Ed. (now now – we don’t want to upset to upset the crazy man!)

Ed ends with this little gem.

Good bye, sad mothers, good bye, old cows, with dried-out utters and distorted hips, good bye, and so alone you all will die.

Good bye to you, too, Ed.  Goodbye to what’s left of your sanity.  And hello crazy-hood!  You’re finally where you belong.

I just hope there aren’t any other people wherever that is.  Because, you know, they might all have…..MOTHERS!

]]> http://fromhiptohousewife.com/2010/08/18/a-psychopath-left-a-comment-on-my-blog/feed/ 10 nancyjrab smoking guy http://fromhiptohousewife.com/2010/08/09/blogher10-pros-and-cons/ http://fromhiptohousewife.com/2010/08/09/blogher10-pros-and-cons/#comments Tue, 10 Aug 2010 02:47:46 +0000 nancyjrab http://fromhiptohousewife.com/?p=1196 ]]> The swag is put away (mostly), the business cards gone through (totally), the laryngitis fading (sorry, hubby, I can talk endlessly again). Yes, it  was my first year at Blogher, and now it’s time for a little post mortem.  Just how was it?

I went into BlogHer thinking that how I felt about BlogHer would pretty much determine whether or not I continued blogging at all.  I had kinda lost my groove after the unexpected demise of SVMoms, and I wasn’t so sure I wanted to feel groovy again. You know, what with the requisite fringe vests and all.

I’m still not quite sure how I feel.  So I’m going to make a list of pros and cons, bests and worsts, and see what wins.

Pro: The conference was in NY. For me, that meant no travel or lodging costs (I live here). For many, it meant a first trip to the Big Apple.

Pro: It was nice to be in a community of women who speak blog-ese.  Most of my IRL friends have no idea what I’m talking about half the time.  And they certainly wouldn’t wait in a restroom to have an audience with The Bloggess. Not that I begrudge The Bloggess her little corner of fame.  She’s truly  funny and she’s worked for it.  But the bathroom?  Really?

Con: The conference was ginormous! 2400 women (mostly, anyway). Which made it feel less like a community and more like a bunch of cows being herded into over-air conditioned pens.

Pro:  I got to hang with some of my favorite people: beccarama, Selfish Mom,  A Child Grows in Brooklyn, MamaKnows Breast and ChefDruck.   And I got to meet some new, smart, funny bloggers, like isdisnormal, VodkaMom and Single Gal in the City.

Con: The overall vibe of the conference – at least for me – was not all that warm and fuzzy.  People were a little clique-ish, and defensive.  A simple “where are you from?” practically got my eyebrows singed off from the darts the person I’d asked was shooting at me with her eyes.  When did “Where are you from?” become fightin’ words? At Blogher10, that’s where.

Pro: There were healthy choices at all three meals.  (courtesy of Tropicana)

Con: There wasn’t enough time to eat – much less make  it to too many of the sessions. There was too much happening at once,  no way to go to all the things you might want to.  Maybe that’s a sign of a good conference — so much you want to do.  But I thought it was a sign that maybe less is more.

Pro: There was a lot of swag.

Con: There was a lot of swag. So much swag, that I suffered from Swag Shoulder for two days, living on Motrin and borrowed time.

Here’s the thing about swag: no one really needs another mousepad. Or another button with the logo of another company.And please, please, not another eco-friendly reusable bag.  Because when you have 57 eco-bags, they stop being ecological and start being a big ole pain in the ass.  But it is swag, and we all like to get the stuff.

Some of my favorites:

Got Milk’s portable cereal container, useful and not too heavy to carry around.

Oscillococcinum. Because once cold season starts my family and I practically live on the stuff, and now I won’t have to buy as much. A freebie I would have bought anyway? Excellent.

The Wheaties t-shirt.  Just because.

RCA Music, Video and Photo player. Small enough to stick in your pocket.  And free, so I won’t be too upset if one of my kids loses it. (when, not if.)

Avery‘s thoughtful NYC survival kit from the Social Luxe party. It may have just been bandaids and tissues and stuff, but it was well thought out, thoroughly useful, and cleverly packaged.  Go Avery.  Way to make portable toothbrushes fun.

Also from the social luxe party – Foxy Blunt’s gift cards. Hysterical.Sophisticated. Kinda evil. And totally bitchin’. And Mabels Labels cord labels. I think I’m officially a groupie.

I love the Assets tummy control panties – because anything I can do to look thinner without actually having to work to get thinner…consider it done. And the FULL SIZED samples from Eucerin. Love the new fragrance and trust Eucerin not to make my skin look like I just spent three days in an air-conditioned over-sized land-locked cruise ship peopled by swag frenzy housewives.

And, of course, we can’t forget the Sex Toys from Eden Fantasys.  Hey, laugh all you like, but I didn’t see any of those vibrators on the swag recycling table, did you?

Pro: The inspiring international bloggers: www.mideastyouth.com – wicked funny, incredibly brave. www.humanityashore.org - beautiful, moving photos from a brave photo journalist who manages to get what she wants, even in a country where women don’t get too much.  www.awwproject.org - a place where the mostly illiterate and unheard women of Afghanistan get a voice. And mujereslibres.blogspot.com – paying tribute to Latin American women who fight for the rights of others every day.

In the end, it was this last pro that mattered. Those brave women who were risking their lives to blog – they were inspiring.  They made me think about blogging giving people a voice, effecting change.  They made me thing of the  2400 attendees not as swag-swilling women, but as a collective voice that can be used for something other than naval gazing and product reviews.

So in the end, BlogHer did matter.  It was inspiring to hear those women.  It was reassuring to see that so many other women are blogging just like me.  And I guess I’ll keep on going.

That is if all the swag I’ve piled up doesn’t tip over and crush me on my way to my computer.

Like this post? Share it. Tweet it. Leave a comment. Pretty please?

As Blogher10 approaches, I’ve been posting less, instead of more.  I’ve been ignoring Twitter all together.

And I really don’t know why.

Maybe I’m feeling intimidated.  Women I know who have been blogging for a lot less time than I have twice as many Twitter followers, lots of comments on their sites, a better understanding of SEO and probably did better than me on their SAT’s. Oh, and they’re all thinner for sure.

Maybe I’m just a downer.  You know – everyone is excited so I can’t be.

Or maybe it’s because I don’t really know what I want out of it.  I don’t think I could ever monetize Hip to Housewife, so that’s not it.  I don’t want a free diaper bag.  So that’s not it.

It’s bumming me out.  Or it was. Because last night, I had dinner with the lovely and talented women from The Culture Mom Blog, A Child Grows in Brooklyn, Dusty Earth Mother and Ma Vie et Ma Joie. And I finally figured out why I’m going to Blogher and why I blog in the first place: the people.  The women I’ve met in the blogging world are smart and funny and aware.  They’re supportive and interesting.  And quite a few of them make me laugh.

So here’s to Blogher.  I won’t be at every party.  I won’t understand a lot of the technical stuff, but I will be with an amazing group of women.

I think I could get excited about that.

I had a great time re-connecting with and/or (oops! slash alert!) meeting some very cool blogging moms, like CultureMom, Marinka, Linsey Krolick (finally!) and Mastermind Mommy I also got to meet a lot of sponsors who are interested in forging relationships with Mom bloggers.  And that’s where the difficult part comes in.  If I mention and link to all the companies that were there, will you automatically assume that I’m only doing it as a sort of tit for tat? And if I don’t, am I being an ungrateful blogger?

One thing I could do is write about companies that were there, but didn’t give me anything.  Like the people from Taga Bikes The have what might possibly be the coolest stroller I have EVER seen.  It’s a bike! No! It’s a stroller! No! It’s both! My kids are ten, and I wanted to win this thing.  It’s just that cool.  And in the case of this particular company, I don’t see much of a problem promoting them.  My kids are well past stroller age and I am well past baby-making age, so there really isn’t a whole lot these people can do for me.  I have no conflict of interest or disclosures to make. I just liked the thing.

I feel the same way about Mabel’s Labels.  A small company co-founded by Julie Cole a truly lovely person who I’d like to help out.  The labels are cute, and though I have not tried them, from what I hear, they really really work  (lots of mom bloggers use them).  She even makes machine washable name tags that stick on!  No sewing or ironing!!  As a mother of two kids about to go to sleepaway camp — it’s like a gift!

BitMoms (a major sponsor of the event) gives parents a place to go for internet safety tips for themselves and their kids.  Writing about them as a resource can only be good.  Plus, I’ve been using their BitDefender anit-spyware/anti-virus software since last fall (bought and paid for, thank you) and I can tell you – it is the LEAST intrusive anti-virus program I have ever used.  I was so sick of all those pop-ups from the other guys.

iGo was there, too.  (Disclosure:  they gave out a free phone charger.)  This is a green company that makes charger strips that turn off the items you select when they’re not in use for a while.  No more need to go around unplugging everything all the time to save energy. I’d mention them even if I didn’t get a charger. It’s green, it’s easy..and well, why not?

But what about companies with which I have a real relationship, like Nintendo?  Over the years they’ve sent me both hardware and software…a lot of it.  And a few weeks ago, Nintendo threw a party at my house to showcase their relationship with Netflix (you can stream Netflix movies to your TV through the Wii – no extra charge and no discs to keep track of.) I haven’t written much about it, because I feared it would sound like a paid blog post.  Which I guess it is…but only sorta…because I am under no obligation to write anything.  They take their chances.  They hope that I will.

Thing is, it was a really fun party and I did learn all kinds of cool stuff about the Wii that I didn’t know — like the fact that you can get news from it.  And movies.  And the local weather.  They showed me how to download games from my Nintendo points card. I’ve had Wii points in a drawer for two years that I never redeemed because I couldn’t figure out how to do it. They entertained the many, many children who were here with games and prizes.  They made really, really nice goody bags for me and my friends.

Why wouldn’t I want to write about it?  Well, because I worry that doing so makes me a shill.

When I wrote and produced tv promos for all those years, I never wondered if, because I was being paid to promote shows I might not have liked all that much, I was misleading people.  I mean, how many Lifetime movies about women in peril can you promote and still be sincere?  I was being insincere all the time!  I wrote promos for A Current Affair! (yes, I am that old) But this whole blog world is a new world. Selfish Mom seems to have it down.  Her disclosure page is so complete, no one could question her integrity.

I hope that my readers trust that I wouldn’t write about anything that I didn’t believe in.  Maybe the Nintendo people have given me lots of product, but that doesn’t change the fact that the Wii has changed me from being against all screen-based games, into thinking they can be great. Not all of them.  I don’t particularly like the games that my kids can play while they’re sitting on the couch.  I don’t like the games that put them into semi-comatose mode.  But there are lots of  Wii games that get them get up, interacting, and moving around.  Even the new Harry Potter Lego game (my son is obsessed with the whole Wii Lego franchise) engages kids.  Two can play at once.  And there are storylines to read (read!), and logic puzzles to solve. My favorite thing? Players can drop in and drop out whenever.  So I can play with my kid for a minute and stop without him screaming about having to finish a level.

I like Wii.  I might not have as much cool Wii and Ds stuff if Nintendo’s PR people didn’t send it me — but I might write about it anyway.  Just like I write about other experiences I’ve had that have nothing to do with PR or freebies or anything of the sort.  And let’s face it. for most of us, Wii’s and PSP’s (not that I know what that is!), and computer games like Club Penguin and Moshi Monsters…well, they’re all a part of our lives.

And that’s what I write about.  My life.

I’ll keep on disclosing who gave me what.  And I’ll stick to my “if you don’t have anything nice to say…” mantra. (Except when I think a product is dangerous, or truly evil, and then I’ll say whatever.) And I’ll hope that you’ll all believe what I say, whether I got something for free or not.

Didn’t win but still want to read it? Buy it, why dontcha?  Just click on the little book icon just over there on the right, and pretty soon, you’ll be laughing and reading.  Still not sure?  Save $2 per book by entering discount code SMR2.

I promise it’ll make you laugh.

Why, you ask?  I have absolutley no idea.

I searched around to see if perhaps there was big Elmo news at the moment.  Maybe he’s getting married.  Maybe he got divorced.  Maybe, (since he’s three) he’s finally finished with the dreadful process that is the NYC Private Pre-K Admissions process, and he’s announced where he’ll be fingerpainting next year.

Nope.

Seems people just like Elmo, and they Google him a lot.  And once, several months back, I wrote a post suggesting  John McCain dump Sarah Palin and run with Elmo instead.  (click here to read why) Here we are, three months later, and when people Google Elmo, they are somehow being diverted to my site.  Hopefully, none of them works for CTW, since I “borrowed”  that cute little picture of Elmo without asking. (Don’t worry CTW lawyers: I’m not making ANY money from this site. Trust me on that.)

David Haselhoff – same thing.  I also suggested him for McCain.  Seems lot of people are out there searching for him, too.  Go figure. And they’re ending up right here.

The Elmo fans and Hasselhoff fans who are finding my site?  Well, I’m pretty sure none of them is actually reading my blog…but they are clicking to it.

So it got me wondering: what is it about Elmo and The Hoff that is so much more compelling than aging, motherhood, and my twenty year quest to lose the same ten pounds?

As for Elmo, he’s cute, he’s furry, and he likes to sing.  I’m cute, if I don’t wax often enough I get furry, and I like to sing.  So it’s not that.  Maybe it’s that Elmo is all about other people, about finding things out and teaching.  And I’m all about navel gazing.  And it ain’t much of a navel, I can tell you that.  Maybe that’s why I gaze at it:  if I’m not going to, well, who will?

I’m hoping that at least some of the Elmo searchers who end up here will look around, maybe laugh a little, maybe come back when they’re not looking for the little red guy.  But if not – well, seeing those hits go up and up on the stats chart just makes me feel good.  It’s kinda like when you have a scale you KNOW is low, but it still makes you feel good to get on it.  Or when you know a company (like Old Navy) has vanity sizing, but it still feels good to zip up the size six.  Maybe it’s all a fantasy, but it’s my fantasy, and I’m sticking with it.

And the Hoff? Why oh why are so many people searching for him? Well, in his case, there’s just no accounting for taste.

Me: Hi baby-girl! How are you?

Wee One: I’m fine.  But where are you, Mommy?

Me: I’m at work.

WO:  Do you have a hammmer?

Me: No, sweetie.  No hammer.  What do you think Mommy does at work?

WO:  I don’t know.  What do you do?

Me: I make commercials so that people know what shows to watch on TV.

WO:  Well, that doesn’t sound very important.  I think you should just come home.

Out of the mouths of babe, right?  Not long after that I slowed work considerably, only accepting those projects I knew wouldn’t keep me in the edit room until 3am. (Which in TV, isn’t a lot.)  And eventually, I stopped more or less all together, aside from the occasional day-job here and there.

But recently, I started working again.  And today, I had to back out of going on a class trip because I have a work meeting I can’t get out of.

You know what?  This working thing is really cramping my style.

Now I know, that sounds awfully cavalier, given what’s going on only a few blocks downtown – the panic, the lay-offs, the wiping out of people’s life-savings — and I’m not saying I’m going to stop working.  Or that it’s even an option.  But I am saying: working is kind of a bummer after a year of having my time myself….other than the 10 hours a week I gave to my kids’ school, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the straightening up, the laundry.   And the constant feeling that really, truly, I should be working out more.

See, I can’t seem to care about work.  I need the paycheck, I like the adult conversation.  And honestly, I couldn’t have a better situation.  It’s part-time, it’s mostly at home.  It’s writing.  I’m getting paid to write.   Boo hoo.  Poor me.

If I were a man I’d say that I just can’t get it up for ad-copy.  Does anyone really get excited about the Insurance industry?  Or a real-estate complex in New Jersey?  Or a marketing company that hired another marketing company to write their marketing material?

I know I sound like a spoiled brat.  But people: this is a no-holds-barred confession.  I’m not proud of feeling this way.  I’m just tellin’ it like it is.  And I know I can’t be alone in this: balancing work life and motherhood is HARD.  Sarah Palin aside.

The truth is, I couldn’t get all that excited about playing Littlest Pet Shop, either.  Or sitting around the playground for hours once they were old enough that “Playground” wasn’t synonomous with “disaster avoidance.” (That was exciting in a heart-stopping, “oh my God my children are going to kill themselves on that see-saw” kind of way.)  On the other side, TV may sound glamorous and all that — but it’s hard to feel glam at 2am in a smelly edit room working with a 30-something editor who still lives with his mother on a commercial for yet another movie about a woman who had everything….until.

So maybe I’m just not all that excitable.  Or exciting.  Crap.  Maybe it’s me!  Maybe I’m just dull.

Are there any mothers out there who absolutely love every minute?  Every episode of Hannah Montana?  Every repetition of Raffi songs?  Every sullen “you can’t make me?”  Is there anybody who has a job that really thrills them? (Sarah Palin aside)  I’d love that job.  I’d love to be that mother.  But I’m just not.

Maybe if I had a hammer.