I like to refer to my lululemon pants as my “magic pants.” They make my butt look small. That, ladies and gentlemen, is magic. They make my stomach look flat. That is not just magic, it’s miraculous. Every time I wear them, someone asks me if I’ve lost weight. That is spectacular. It’s even better than vanity sizing.
Today, however, the magic died when my Patagonia jacket ruined my pants. There’s some weird rough thing on the toggles of my Patagonia jacket. Now, it looks like someone sandpapered off the front of my pants. Not only that, it draws attention to the only part of my lower half the magic doesn’t work on – my thighs. Now, instead of noticing my smaller-looking butt, or my flatter-looking stomach, people’s eyes are drawn to my still-large thighs. This is not good. This is anti-magic. This is reality. Oh the horror!
Patagonia offered to give me a new jacket (if I paid the difference) but what about the magic? I want Penn and Teller. I want Doug Hennings. I want the magic, baby. I want a new pair of lululemon pants!