Patagonia Ruined my Magic Pants!

I like to refer to my lululemon pants as my “magic pants.” They make my butt look small.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is magic.  They make my stomach look flat.  That is not just magic, it’s miraculous.  Every time I wear them, someone asks me if I’ve lost weight.  That is spectacular.  It’s even better than vanity sizing.

Today, however, the magic died when my Patagonia jacket ruined my pants.  There’s some weird rough thing on the toggles of my Patagonia jacket.  Now, it looks like someone sandpapered off the front of my pants. Not only that, it draws attention to the only part of my lower half the magic doesn’t work on – my thighs.  Now, instead of noticing my smaller-looking butt, or my flatter-looking stomach, people’s eyes are drawn to my still-large thighs.  This is not good. This is anti-magic.  This is reality. Oh the horror!

Patagonia offered to give me a new jacket (if I paid the difference) but what about the magic?  I want Penn and Teller.  I want Doug Hennings.  I want the magic, baby.  I want a new pair of lululemon pants!


  1. says

    Okay, now I want a pair of these pants. What’s the style no./name, whatever? I NEED pants like that.

    And I’m so sorry they got ruined. It sucks when your favorite wardrobe items get damaged.

    Hopefully, I’ll be able to catch up on your blog soon. All the best,

  2. says

    Oh, how I feel for you.

    My Lululemon miracle is not only the most comfortable pants I own, but they make me look spectacular. It is as you say: small, pert butt, trim tummy. (Trim tummy! After 3 babies! One of whom was almost ten pounds! Sure, it was 20 years ago — oh! and there’s another one — I’m no longer 25!! But you can’t tell that from my butt in those pants! (Well, you almost can’t…))

    I put mine through the dryer once, and they got covered in lint. Hundreds of teeny little pills of lint. I spent three solid hours picking them off, one by one. I now wash my pants BY HAND, roll them in a towel to soak up the worst of the water (no wringing!), and then dry them flat. Me, the queen of “if it can’t go in the machine, I don’t want it”.

    Because they are THAT GOOD.

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