If “perky” is all you need to be to be Vice President of the United States, then I nominate Anna Faris, star of the new movie House Bunny…or at least her character, Shelley.

She is eminently qualified for any number of reasons. First of all, she’s an advocate for the little guys. (Or the nerdy girls, but let’s not quibble.) She stands up for their rights (rights to party – that quibbling thing again!), she throws an excellent fund-raiser, she’s particularly good at public relations with foreign (i.e. cool) bodies. And she knows where she stands: naked in the middle of a magazine. (and weren’t there some bikini/gun pics of Palin? Same thing, less money. And Faris looks better in her bikini than the VP pick.) On top of that, Shelley is very clear on her voting stance, and able to listen to more than one party. Though she never listens to Simon, she is open to the views of both Paula and Randy.

Like Palin, Shelley has vast executive experience. Hey, have you ever tried to wrangle a house full of horny college aged kids? That takes dedication, hard work, and a firm grasp of economic policy. Plus, it’s kinda like having a lot of kids – well, close enough. Like Palin, Shelley is full of cute sayings – remember lipstick on a pit bull? Well Shelley says “The eyes are the nipples of the face.” Like Palin, Shelley can be mighty scary. Just wait till you hear her exorcist voice. It’s just like Palin’s entire speech at the convention — almost supernaturally frightening. Hey, Shelley even puts her hair up and wears glasses in one scene. I’m telling you, she’s just like Palin. Only even perkier.

And since perky and likable seem to be the only qualifications for VP as far as the Republicans are concerned — I rescind my previous nomination of myself, (though I’ll still keep my presidential platform) and nominate Anna Faris as Shelley. And hey, the age difference between her and McCain is just like the difference between Shelley and Hef!! It’s perfect. Maybe she’ll even turn the White House in to the Playboy mansion. She’ll be out White House Bunny!!That’ll get the foreign dignitaries lining up for a visit. Anna Faris for president, I say! And God Bless the United States of America.