John McCain Should’ve Picked Me!!

Every time I see Sarah Palin, a former beauty queen (runner up), mother of many, not all that experienced governor of a state that has about as many residents as my building.  I cannot believe that John McCain would do this.  I mean, why not pick Elisabeth Hasselbeck?  She’s cute. She’s conservative.  And people have actually HEARD of her. Or, why not just pick me?  Never mind that I’m a  pro-choice, pro-gun control, seriously left of center liberal — I don’t blink. I stay the course.  And I really need my glasses.

But in case you still need convincing…read on

1. I am the Mayor of my own domain.

  • I do all the budgeting (you try to send two kids to private school in NYC).
  • I do all the scheduling: gymnastics, piano, guitar, roller blading, cooking, Tae Kwan Do.(It’s a wonder they have time for school at all.)
  • I take meetings about matters important to my constituency: how much tv can they watch, when can they get a dog, do they have to kiss their Great Uncle hello, even though he’s the kind of guy strangers offer to buy food for when they see him on the street?
  • Pretty much everything I do is a photo op, what with the cuteness of my little ones.

2. Like Palin, I am an avid hunter.

  • Take me to Loehmann’s, Daffy’s, or Filene’s Basement and watch me go!  I can bag and tag a discounted Missoni jacket like nobody’s business.
  • Nobody tracks down a lost blankie, teddy bear, or half-eaten and smelled-but-not-seen tuna sandwich better than I.

3. Like Palin, I have been accused of abuse of power.
I make my constituents pick up their clothes, clear their places, say please and thank you, and look a person in the eye and shake hands when they are introduced. If that’s not abuse of power, what is?

4. My husband has never  been on a snowmobile.
But tell him to get from Canarsie to Queensboro Plaza on the subway, and he’ll get you there faster than any snowmobile ever could. Forget snow drifts and sub-zero temperatures, my SIC (second in command) has to contend with rush hour crowds, Scientologists, track fires, and the ever-present stench that can only say NYC.

5. I am not a creationist.
No jokes here.  I just think that if you expect kids to learn bible stories in public school, you’re pretty much demonstrating a distinct lack of understanding of “separation of church and state.” Believe what you like, just don’t expect the Federal government to believe the same thing.

And while we’re on the creation thing, my daughter is WAY too young to do any embarrassing pre-marital creating of her own…unless we’re talking Play-Do.  She can make anything out of that.

6. No one’s heard of me, either.

There are lots more reasons McCain should have chosen me.  I can’t see Russia from my window, and even if I could, I wouldn’t claim that made me a foreign policy expert. I would never run against my mother-in-law, mostly because she never runs — not even to catch a bus — but still.  And I have experience on the foreign stage, literally:  I was a lounge singer in Paris.

Clearly, my experience is relevant, substantial, and kinda fun! So maybe I haven’t ever been a beauty queen,  I have been to Dairy Queen, and really, what’s the difference?

McCain?  Are you listening?  There’s still time.  Pick me!! Pick Me!!

This post previously appeared in a slightly different form on



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