Now — not so funny.
I’ve written about how I’m going to accept that I’m never going to accept my body. I’ve talked about how important it is that my daughter not worry about her weight.
And yet I worry.
I worry that I’m looking old and spotted. That my neck is crepey. I worry that I’ve put on a few. I hate my thighs. I loathe my back fat.
So why aren’t I doing more about it?
See, I’m happy to do the easy stuff: at a recent MomTrends event I balked at usingBare Escentuals QVC Bare Minerals cosmetics. After a certain age, I thought, the all natural make up, which I had loved when I was younger, just wasn’t doing it for me. It made my pores look bigger. Enter the expert: seems I was using too much, and wasn’t buffing enough. Turned out, she was right. Flawless (ish) skin, here I come. Easy.
At that same event, I learned blow drying tricks from the folks at Blow. I’d always thought of getting a blow out as an indulgence for the uber-vain, or for a really, truly, big event. And I’d always thought of blow outs as straightening session. (Frizzy haired women, unite!). Turns out, Blow does a lot more than that. As I sipped my Ciaobella cocktail, my Blow expert went to work with a curling iron and a round brush. I walked out of that event with great make-up, and glamorous, retro-style waves. (Not to mention great tips on managing my financial health and wellness from Down to Earh Finance.)
With my awesome bright yellow Kaboo tablet bag that looks like an expensive purse (that I got from a Techlicious event), my free make up application, and my glam new look from Blow, I was feeling pretty good. (And all for free!)
But, see, that didn’t take a lot of effort on my part.
Here’s where the effort part comes in: I also received a copy of Venice Fulton’s Six Weeks to OMG: Get Skinnier than all Your Friends. In a nutshell, the diet is this: wake up, sit in a freezing cold bath for fifteen minutes, down some coffee, exercise for 30 minutes before each meal, then wait at least an hour, then eat three meals a day with no snacking. Eat more protein, less carbs. Each a variety of foods. Well, yeah. If I never had a snack, cut out the crabs, and exercised for 90 minutes every single day, of course I’d lose weight. (though I wouldn’t be skinnier than my friends. I live in NYC where Size 2 is the norm)
So that DOES require a lot of effort on my part. (Plus, I don’t know when I’d have the time to actually shower. At night? Not so good for the frizzy of hair. Though – true confessions, I did do the whole cold bath/coffee/ mild exercise/wait an hour thing both yesterday and today. I’m just that desperate.)
But it’s kind of ridiculous, and I can’t see myself doing all that for long. I mean, I have a business to run. Who has time for all that? Then I came across this in a Q&A with Fulton:
Venice, I want to get skinny but do I have to do everything in the book?
No, because even if you use one thing, you’ll still outrun the couch potatoes!
So then I’m left with this: maybe I don’t want it badly enough. (I mean, he says that cold bath water will shrink my thighs! What if he’s right?)
If I really wanted to be thin, I would have ordered the steamed vegetarian platter for lunch today, instead of the sauteed vegetarian panini. (Carbs!) If I really wanted to lose weight, I would have gone for a run this morning, instead of my usual brisk walk with the dog. If I really wanted to be thin, I’d be thin.
I’ve tried a lot of things, Flirty Girl Fitness offered me a free online membership. It’s a great concept, live streaming exercise classes, so you get the real thing. And while I liked that it was a “real” class, was at home, what exerciser has three sets of weights, a dyna band, exercise ball, and a step? Too much equipment. And disconcerting that people in the class were doing things so wrong they looked downright dangerous, and the teacher didn’t make a single correction.
So that ended.
I signed up for a free Stacey’s Bootcamp trial class. Rained out. Twice.
I spent hundred of dollars on Isagenix, a “health drink” only to feel starving, miss chewing, and only lose a few pounds anyway.
I always have good intentions. I always think how much better I’ll do tomorrow.
But then tomorrow comes and it’s the same old thing.
So will I be thin?
Will I continue to bemoan that fact, event though, intellectually, I know I’m the one who controls my weight?
Well, look on the bright side. I won’t have to change my tagline.