I love it when comment spam reads like the frantic ramblings of an over-educated, underdeveloped whack job:
“Pretty portion of content. I simply stumbled upon your website and in accession capital to claim that I acquire in fact enjoyed account your weblog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing for your feeds and even I success you get right of entry to constantly quickly.”
Not that I don’t appreciate the feedback about my “weblog.” (Is weblog even a word?). I think this spammer successed quite well. And I appreciate that I can get right of entry constantly quickly. It’s just that it would be nice if the spam didn’t read as if it were written by Cookie Monster. Seriously, read that comment again, only imagine Cookie Monster is saying it. See? Cookie Monster on acid.
Lots of spam is hard to figure out. Luckily, I’ve cracked the code. So here is some of my most recent spam It’s not made up. This is it in its unedited form. And I’ve translated it into English.
1. I don’t create a ton of responses, but i did a few searching and wound up here About From Hip To Housewife. And I do have 2 questions for you if you usually do not mind. Is it simply me or does it look as if like some of these comments look as if they are written by brain dead individuals? And, if you are posting on other social sites, I would like to keep up with everything new you have to post. Could you make a list of the complete urls of all your shared sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?
Why no, I usually do not mind at all! Except for one teeny weeny little thing, the translation of this spam comment is this: I am a stalker. I will appear at your window late at night. I will break into your apartment and steal your underwear.I will carve your initials into my forearm with a prison spoon.
I am not brain-dead, just really really creepy.
2.Wow you website really good. Value I to see the hope can with. Very often I come and see you through any new story is my greatest happiness ha ha a little humor. Thank you oh
My favorite part of this comment? ” Value I to see the hope can with.” My seventh grade English teacher, Miss. Peacock (no, really.) would have had a field day diagramming that one. Translation: I am a bot programmed by someone with severely limited knowledge of English. OR I am not a bot, just a bar girl with a dream. Ha ha a little humor! Thank you oh.
3.Last van erectiestoornissen? Dan is Viagra echt iets voor jou! Wil je direct viagra kopen? Dan kan dat natuurlijk ook!
Translation: I have a small penis.
Subtext: I may be a strapping Dutch or Swede or some Norse kind of guy, I may be buff, blond, and beautiful, but (insert translation, above.)
4.axeulq mtnfdk wgggzr unsnyj nisjnz uczgpv iqxiof ubbius euxojq
I don’t know how this one ended up in Spam. This clearly is not Spam at all. Translated, this mis-filed as spam comment means: Your blog is wonderful. I have waited all my life for a post as insightful, humorous, and downright life-changing as this. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for adding to my life immeasurably with your astonishing command of the English language. I salute you.
Now, why would anyone think that was spam?