As the New Year begins, most people like to look back on the things that happened over the past year. The tragic losses, the remarkable successes, the movie stars divorced or scandalized. Not me. I’m reflecting on the year that wasn’t. All the things I thought would happen…and didn’t.
1. 2012 was not the year people realized that every time a reality TV show turns a talentless nobody into a star, Lucy Ricardo, Archie Bunker, and Hawkeye Pierce sigh a collective – if fictional – sigh of defeat.
2. 2012 was not the year I got in shape. Nope.
3. 2012 was not the year politicians realized that those automated calls – especially the one I got from Callista Gingrich – creepy! – do NOT endear you to us. Not. At. All.
4. 2012 was not the year we achieved world peace. Nothing pithy or witty about this one. Just sad.
5. 2012 was not the year Octomom or Lyndsay Lohan disappeared and left us mercifully free of their ridiculousness.
6. 2012 was not the year I cleaned out the closets, finally put all those photos into albums, and went through the stack of old cooking magazines that have been piling up since 1994.
7. 2012 was not the year I caught up on old episodes of Lost, kept up with new episodes of Homeland, or finally, finally, got into Mad Men.
9. 2012 was not the year I learned how to hang glide. What, do you think I’m crazy? I’d kind of like to live to see how 2013 pans out.