Tweezers, Spanx, and Pulsating Poultry: What I’m Thankful For

Family. Friends. Health. These are all things I am thankful for.  But really, who is against family, friends, and not having bubonic plague? So here is a list of some less obvious – though no less essential –things  that I am thankful for this year.

1. Tweezers – So when the odd chin hair appears, I can quickly remove it.

2. Random Throbbing GIFs Because who doesn’t like pulsating poultry?

3. Lyndsay Lohan – So I can feel superior almost every day.

4. Eco Friendly Disposable dishes and flatware – because I love an oxymoron, and because I love it when somebody else justifies my own eco-un-friendly behavior.

5. SpanxDo you really need to ask?

6. The Gym – For giving me something to aspire to.  One day, I will cross its threshold.  As soon as I finish this wheel of Brie.

7. LuLu Lemon – for making it look like I have gone to the gym.  Magic!

8. John Boehner – For that fake tan.  I love a good laugh.

9. Jon Stewart – I love a good laugh.

10. Bus Drivers Who Let You Get on the Bus even when your Metro Card doesn’t have enough Money on it.

11. Target – for not casting my 18 pound dog in a commercial because he was fat and thus giving me fodder for amusing small talk for cocktail parties.

12. That Woman with the Green Hair who – even though she can be annoying – really does Keep the Dog Run Nice.

13. Mints – For allowing me to tell people they have bad breath without telling them they have bad breath. “Would you like a mint?”


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