Blogher 2011: Let the Petty Jealousy Begin!

Yesterday, The Blogging Angels sent out our invitation to a small breakfast during Blogher.  Aimed (mostly) at up-and-coming bloggers, the breakfast is about learning to work with brands, to present yourself and your blog in the best light.  Already, the Twitter-sphere is a-flutter with the haves and have nots.  People wish they were invited, are jealous of those that were.  They’re hurt.  They feel excluded. You’d think that, as one of the Blogging Angels, I’d be immune to all that.

You’d be wrong.

See, all of the other Blogging Angels have been getting tweeted by the invitees “Can’t wait to meet you!” or by the non-invitees “Do you think there’s room for me, too?”  There have even been multiple tweets by people saying how much they are looking forward to meeting the Blogging Angels: @selfishmom, @c2cmom and @beccasara.  Notice any name missing from that list?

Of course logically, I know it’s silly: I am one of the people throwing the party.  I am one of the Blogging Angels, whether I’m in those tweets or not.  And, truth be told, I am the least social-media entrenched of the bunch, and the least well known. It’s not like it’s some big surprise to me to find out that fewer people know me than know the other Angels.  To some degree, that’s my choice.  My focus, for the past year, has been KidzVuz – which – while it exists in the digital space, is not a blog at all.  It’s an internet start-up, with all of the attendant business plan, fund-raising, and development issues. It’s been all-encompassing, and I’ve never been one who is particularly good at giving my all to all things. I wish I could be.  But that’s life.

I’m even hosting a second party – for 300 women – as KidzVuz, on the night before Blogher. And yet I still feel badly that I wasn’t invited to a bunch of parties  – parties that I wouldn’t have been able to go to – that very night!  It’s ridiculous, I know. But there it is. Over at Beccarama, Rebecca Levey (my KidzVuz partner and (tweeted) fellow Angel) wrote a post about party-envy. Part disclaimer (she is hosting two events during BlogHer) and part voice of reason, her central point is this: it’s not about how many parties you are invited to, but about what you make of the parties you do attend. Makes sense to me.  Now if only it felt true, too.

Look, I know that BlogHer isn’t supposed to be about the parties.  It’s meant t be about crafting your blog, developing your brand, joining the community.  But just like Twitter often feels an awful lot like Junior High, so do all Blog Conferences end up being a series of parties – which can mean a series of social slights – or social triumphs.

I wish I could be above it all.  I wish I could listen to the logical side of me that says “it doesn’t matter; it’s not about the parties; you’re hosting two of them yourself!”  But, alas, the 12 year old girl in me is still alive and well, and worried about being asked to the the seventh grade dance (The Snowball.  Nobody asked me.  I went in my Gunne Saxe dress.)

The one bright spot about watching all of this unfold is that it’s made me realize: I’m not the only one.  Prominent bloggers are angling for  invites. Even they feel left out.  So no wonder, that what with my less-than-spectacular klout score and blog-stats, I’m feeling insecure too.

I can’t help but wonder if men go through this.  Do they care if they’re invited to some industry event?  My guess is no. But neither do most businesses – male or female – have the sense of community that the Mom Blog world does. So I guess on balance, it’s not so bad.  On the one hand, I feel hurt that not only did those tweets go out without my name in them, but that none of my virtual friends even thought to tweet back “Hey!  What about @Hip2Housewife!?” On the other hand, just this weekend I had a lovely dinner with a friend – and our husbands – I met in the blogosphere.  Last week I turned a virtual friend into a real one when she came to NY.  And the person I spend the most time with in the world (aside from my husband.  At least I’m pretty sure I spend more time with him) is a friend I met through blogging, and who I can’t imagine being without.

Hopefully, I will go to BlogHer and have fun, and not care who tweets about how happy they are they met me.  Hopefully, I’ll just be happy to meet people myself.  And finally, stop worrying about what other people say or don’t say, stop minding if I’m not included in something I don’t really want to go to anyway, stop being twelve, and start being me.

Hey, it’s something to strive for.



  1. says

    I think you’re popular and beautiful and I would invite you to a party I was throwing. You know, if I was ever popular enough to throw a party. Can’t wait to see you. In a hallway somewhere in the hotel 🙂

  2. says

    I just wrote my pre-Blogher post, which this year (for me anyway) is being present in the events that I did get invited to. There is always going to be something else that someone else is doing and there ain’t nothing I can do about it. I feel like last year I was crazed running around town and I missed really connecting with people. My closest relationships were formed when I just sat and talked to new bloggers.

    I think you are most definitely well known and your insight on the Blogging Angels podcasts and your own blog are FANTASTIC! 🙂 I for one cannot wait for the Blogging Angels event! I’m sure four smart & savvy ladies like yourselves are going to throw one heck of an event that will be all the talk after Blogher.

  3. says

    “Hopefully” you’ll have a good time at BlogHer? Really? The Queen Bee who will most certainly make her buzz known once she sets two very well heeled feet in San Diego and will likely be the Belle of the Ball once people come into her most fabulous aura…will ‘hopefully’ have a good time? Oh please. I’ve been in that aura (okay it was just lunch, but still) so I know what to expect! Once you get a taste of hosting your own event and become acquainted with all the women in cyperspace who adore you from afar…you’ll need a ‘celebrity’ twitter name to simply handle all your new fans…

  4. says

    Look at this way… at least you will be at BlogHer! while others will be at home or ( yes this is true) on a vacation with her MIL and the kids… the saving grace? It is a cruise to the Bahamas. A week with the MIL is a small price to pay for time in paradise with the DH… I hope!
    I know you will be a rousing success… let me know when you publish the book on how to succeed at marketing yourself and your blog and tweeting and all that because I really need help in that department!

  5. says

    Thanks for this. I was feeling a bit left out (again ;)) It sounds like you’ll be hosting two fun parties and I hope you’ll enjoy them – not always easy when you’re hosting.

    Not that I’m invited to either. .. ; P (couldn’t resist)

  6. says

    It is sad that we still get those junior high triggers in social situations. Sometimes it can bring out the less than positive attributes within all of us. It happens to me a lot more than I imagined it would as an adult. Deep inside, we all want to be loved and appreciated.

    You will have a great time at BlogHer. I know you will. 🙂

    • says

      It is good to know we’re not the only ones feeling that way, right? But wouldn’t it be nice if we could figure out a way to keep our daughters from having those same feelings? I wish.

  7. says

    I am so incredibly glad I got to meet you and had the chance to chat on multiple occasions. Twitter is quite possibly both a godsend and a disaster when it comes to BlogHer prep because so much flies around, rumors, and requests, and jealousy. This was the first year that I was invited to a few events and even said no to a few things…but it happens…. The envy. The oh wow..I had no idea that was even happening. I suppose that those things are why I appreciate the Type A Parent conference so much–none of that happens.

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