There are lots of people out there way more qualified than I out there to talk about the latest and greatest in tech debuted at CES. So intead, I’m going to talk about Las Vegas: land of  short skirts and sparkly tops. Land where a big giant row of slot machines is staring you in the face the second you get off the plane. Land of hookers in the hallways, and porn stars in the taxi line.

Yikes.

If you’re at all involved in the world of tech, CES  is legendary:  the announcements by major manufacturers, the outrageous parties, new products from the sublime (glasses free 3D tv) to the ridiculous (The ipad chair: holds your ipad so you don’t have to!).  The tech minded live for this stuff.

Me?  Not so much.  But that’s not to say it wasn’t fun.  As one of The Blogging Angels, I was sponsored by Microsoft Windows to go as a sort of “non-techie.”  A woman who uses tech (who doesn’t?) but who doesn’t live it.  On our Blogging Angels podcast, we talk a lot about women and tech. (and those hookers. )  We even got to talk with social media superstar Chris Brogan about it while we were there. (Women in tech, not hookers in Vegas)   And it’s not like I didn’t love having my loaner  Windows Phone 7 (an htc HD7) to use while I was there. ( As much of a non-techie as I am — I think I love it)  Also, I do have to mention the super-phallic and super fantastic Blue Microphone Yeti mike that we were loaned while we were there.  So much better than having to lug all of our much heavier and much less high-end equipment all the way to Las Vegas.

But the truth is, with 150,000 attendees, I don’t think I’m the best one to tell you about the technical side of CES.  I’ll leave that in the hands of the experts, like the good folks at CNET and my good friends BeccaRama and techmama.   Plus, you can listen to our Blogging Angels podcasts, where you’ll hear all about the stuff we four loved — and didn’t.  And all about our escapades in Las Vegas.  It’s geeks and glam over at Blogging Angels – and I promise we’ll make you laugh. (And no, we weren’t drunk when we recorded, just really, really, tired.)

Instead, I’m going to talk about Las Vegas itself.  Because where else can you have a burger, buy a diamond necklace, play black-jack, and get silicone implants, all at 2 am?

Here are some of the things I learned in Las Vegas:

1. There is no such thing as a good toupee. Seriously.  Who do you think you’re kidding?  And news flash, the hookers don’t care what’s on your head, only what’s in your wallet.

2. Porn stars wear slippers in the elevator.  Yes, it’s true.  The annual Adult Entertainment Expo and Adult Video Awards, the Oscars of Porn, are held the same week as CES.  They call it Tech and Titties.  And I learned something about porn stars: their feet hurt.  A lot. When they’re not “on duty,” they wear slippers. Old dirty ones.

3. Men are pigs.  How do I know this?  Because I was groped on the show floor of CES.  There are booth babes in hot pants and I’m the one who got groped?!?!?

4. There is no time too early to witness a “transaction” in the lobby of your hotel. Hooker with your coffee, sir?

5. Venice only wishes it were that clean.

6. Ditto New York

7. Paris isn’t all that clean… even in Vegas.

8. Even at midnight, it’s hard to get a table at Sushi Samba

9.  Susan Anton lives!  She has a show in Las Vegas! Who knew?

10. There is such a thing as a dancing dust mop. Really.