Traveling Without the Parents

Lamar River Valley

Image by gharness via Flickr

My kids don’t need me any more.

Well, OK. Maybe that’s a bit harsh.  They still need me.  I still cook their food, and bandage their boo boos, and at least for a bit longer – tuck them in at night.  But this week, they’ve taken a big giant step away from me.

Earlier this week – early in the morning –  at 4:30 a.m. to be exact – I dropped my kids off in front of their school for a class trip. A five day-long class trip to the Lamar Valley in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming. It’s an incredible opportunity for the kids to visit a National Park as part of an educational program called Expedition Yellowstone that gives them access to parts of the Park not usually open to visitors.

In the unspoiled vastness that is Yellowstone National Park – they’re going to the ” un-spoiledest” part.

They will track wolves, test soil, study weather patterns.  And given the terrain there, do most of it on snowshoes –the only way to get through a season’s worth of accumulated snow.  They will sleep in bunks – with a communal bathroom in a separate building, cook their own meals, keep their cabins clean.

In other words, they’ll be on a serious, independent trip. Without me.

I am happy for them.  I am.  Truly.  But I can’t but feel a little bit sad. They are, for the first time, going on a real, honest to goodness trip  – having an extraordinary experience – that they won’t be sharing with me.  They’ve been to camp.  But though I missed them enormously, it didn’t feel the same.  I’ve been to camp.  I understand camp.  I know what it is they were experiencing even if I didn’t experience it right along with them.  This trip to Yellowstone, though, will be the first time they go someplace that is completely foreign to me.

It feels like a big giant step away from childhood, and into independence.  Which is, of course, the point of parenting:  you teach your kids, you give them the skills and the confidence to become independent.  But part of that independence is leaving you behind.  Leaving me behind.

So it’s with a bit of sadness and a lot of pride that I watch them tackle this big step: the cross country flight, the less-than-comfortable conditions, the extreme weather, the spectacular scenery, the unique learning experience that is this big trip to Yellowstone.

And me?  Well, for the first time in the nearly 11 years since the kids were born, the DH and I are away together – alone.  It’s a bit weird, perhaps because we’ve come to Long Boat Key, a place we’ve been to with the kids countless times (hey, the price is right: we stay in my parents’ condo while they are back in NY) But I can’t complain.  While it may be odd to be without the kids, the ability to sleep in, to go out without getting a sitter, to sit on the beach and read, to take yoga in the middle of the day, to go out to a restaurant and not worry that it won’t have anything to suit my picky eater.  Well, that’s a step towards our own couple-independence that I am loving.

So I guess the kids are moving up and on…and so are we.


  1. elissaPR says

    I so relate to what you mean. And the most interesting thing? Is the re-connection with your spouse. So much conversation is usually around ‘the kids’ that it’s a pleasure just to talk to your spouse about…well, anything! I had a friend who was away with this wife for the first time in years (sans kids) and actually turned to her four days into their trip and exclaimed, “I forgot how much I really love you!”

    That’s why I a) send my kid to camp for one month (this year maybe 11+ days) and make sure the DH and I escape once or twice during the year…

    Some may view this is as ‘bad mommy’. Me? I look at it as ‘happy WOMAN!’

  2. says

    My husband and I get to get away alone very rarely, but when we do, it is invigorating. My kids are still too young to have the opportunities that your kids have, and I dream about the time they come so we can have our day in the sun. But, like you, I’ll be misty as these days are going much too fast.

  3. says

    It sounds like my kids are close to the same age as yours. I love it that the kids have opportunities to explore the world without us sometimes. I think it’s these short separations that make our family relationships even stronger. It’s good to be missed. Enjoy your vacation. And if you’re like us, you still talk about the kids even though they aren’t around.

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