A real, honest to goodness, I will get a paycheck job.
I didn’t do this lightly. I had slowed down working a lot about three years ago, then stopped completely one year ago, and I was starting to lose my mind. Full-time mommy-hood was killing me. Too much stress. Too much worry. Too much laundry. I even blogged about it here, and here.
I felt like my days were completely overloaded…with absolutely nothing. Remember, my kids aren’t babies anymore. They’re in school all day. That meant my days were filled with cleaning and grocery shopping and cooking, and feeling guilty if I didn’t get to the gym. ( For really, wasn’t that my job? Super-fit exercise mom?
I didn’t want to just have days filled with Yoga class, and lunch with friends, and afternoon jaunts to the museum. I wanted to feel like I was contributing to the world, to our bank account. I missed the camaraderie of the edit-room, the creative energy of brainstorming meetings.
So I decided I’d start looking for some freelance work once the summer was over. Well — the summer is over.
Yesterday, a woman who was referred to me by an old client called and offered me several big writing assignments. I was excited for about two hours. Back to work! Back to adult conversation, and people actually listening to what I have to say. (Unlike my children.) Back to a paycheck!
Then I started worrying. What will I wear? Do I have anything without glitter stuck to it? Will I remember not to address clients as Sweetie? Will I forget I’m not supposed to cut their meat at business lunches? Will I remember how to write for someone other than myself? How to put together proposals and organize a creative brief?
And now, all I can think is OMG! I won’t have time for Yoga class, or lunch with friends, or afternoon jaunts to the museum!
I know, I know, welcome to the real world. Where people go to work and earn a living. And maybe it really will be exciting, and fulfilling, and I’ll be glad I’ve re-entered the world of the working.
Or maybe, I’ll realize what I’ve lost. Picking my kids up at school every day. Watching them at Tae Kwan Do and gymnastics. And I’ll be sorry that I signed on for six months or so.
Still – there is that paycheck. And the thought that I can use it to buy myself a really really great pair of shoes. Without glitter on them.