My Dog Doesn’t Eat my Underwear Anymore

or How my dog drove me to get Botox.

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In past years having my period at work meant I regularly employed the old tampon up your sleeve on the way to the rest room routine. But of late I take a different tack. In my dotage, I march towards the restroom twirling my tampon like a baton. If I could light the thing on fire, throw it up in the air, and catch it with my vagina, I’d do that too. Because at this stage of my endless peri-menopause, where making it through the night with only one dripping-wet night sweat is a victory –  anything that screams to the world I’M NOT ALL DRIED UP YET is a good thing.

Because the world thinks I’m old.

Even my dog.  My dog doesn’t eat my underwear anymore. This is good news, I know.  But still.

The internet thinks I’m old, too. A baby wearing an “I Wrecked my Mom’s Vagina.” T-shirt showed up in my inbox the other day.  It was an ad for a re-vagination spa.  Evidently, re-vagination is a thing, “including v-lightening, v-tightening, and o-shot”.  (I have no idea what that last one is, and quite honestly, I’m afraid to find out. After all, if that infant could wreck a vagina, who knows what else he’s capable of.)

I can’t decide which is worse:  that there are enough women in the world worried about their aging vajayjays that this spa exists, or that internet marketers, with their vast and ever-growing knowledge of the deepest truth of my being, determined that re-vagination was something I’d be interested in.

Because the internet thinks I’m old.Continue Reading

Museum Hack: A Whole New Way to Go to the Museum

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What it was like to be a Bad Ass B*tch at the Metropolitan Museum with Museum Hack. Back in the 1970’s, my mother got me a spiral bound, probably mimeographed workbook of Metropolitan Museum Treasure Hunts.  I still vividly remember the bright turquoise cover with its hand drawn Met hippo, the black type, and black […]

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jimmyCASE: My Favorite New iPhone Case

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I was given a jimmyCASE to facilitate this review. Although I don’t post a whole lot on my blog anymore, I still regularly get pitches from PR companies wanting to send me stuff to review.  Go figure. Mostly, it’s stuff I would never want:  diaper bags (my kids are teenagers), car seats (did I mention […]

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Bright Star: A Great Mother’s Day Gift of a Broadway Show

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Mother’s Day is around the corner.  And what better gift than tickets to a warm, funny, moving Broadway show, starring an incredible newcomer:  Carmen Cusack.  Tickets to Bright Star, which opened on Broadway this season, would make the perfect Mother’s Gift this year. Bright Star, written and composed  by Steve Martin (yes, that Steve Martin), […]

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How Not to be “That Person” in Your Co-Working Space

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WeWork. NeueHouse, Grind, The Yard.  If you’re a small business or start up owner, chances are you are either already in one of these hip or pseudo-hip shared office environments, or thinking of joining one.  Want free beer?  There’s a co-working space for that.  Want foosball tables?  Check.  Want camaraderie, parties, inspiration, motivation?  Check Check […]

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